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FAMILY RESILIENCE: TRUE STORIES TO REMEMBER Part 3

7) CASE SEVEN: A family took in relatives after a disaster event. They were previously on good terms but close living in a small space was very stress full. As the months dragged on there were a lot of negative feelings that were spoken to outsiders. The family could not resolve the issues they were having while waiting for the rebuilding of the wrecked home. In this story there was a split of the friendship between the family groups The root cause was that the relative who took in the devastated people felt overly obligated and resented the situation. In this case paying for other lodging might have been a better solution. The point here is to know what you can live with before you have no choice.

You need to consider how much help you can offer others. Are you obligated to be there for family? How much is enough help? If you do nothing is it morally wrong? Can you just give money without emotional support? There is no set answer. What do you do?

8) CASE EIGHT: A family lived in a high risk zone for brush fire and mud slides. Several years of events had caused major damage to life and property in their community. It had become very difficult to have a positive attitude about pulling things back together. In this case the older children in the family did not want to deal with the situation anymore and left their parents' home to live in a safer area. The parents were upset that the family split up and were in separate locations. They could not decide if they should leave their home and move near their children. In this case the parents bought a second home in the safer location, but still lived in the first home for part of the year.

You need to consider what you will do when you and your children have different ideas about what is reasonable. Do you leave what you love for your children? Is having an active part in their lives important enough to move? What is fair? What do you want? The decision is yours, but you need to have an answer for when that time comes. 

9) CASE NINE: You have become very ill. You can no longer have things arranged in your life as you did before. There must be changes to accommodate your new needs. This situation can be emotionally painful. In some families, the sick member is put in a child's home in a basement apartment. In other homes, a hospital bed is put up in a family room so everyone will be around them. There are other situations where the children cannot deal with the illness and they put the patient into a health facility for care. Sometimes a nurse is hired to care for the individual around the clock. Again there is no set of rules for what is done. 

You must consider what you believe to be a reasonable answer. If you are caught in the above situation you must know the options that you can live with.

A friend of mine was very sick and had poor mobility. She owned the house she lived in and shared it with her daughter who lived in the second level apartment. She was not happy about how her family treated her and she felt trapped in her home. It is amazing how many people feel like a prisoner in their own home.  Anyway, what she wanted the most was to sit in the sun. A friend of mine owed me a favor, and I used it to build her a small deck outside her kitchen door. It was awesome to see her come back to life as she sat outside in a small chair by the door. The point is that she had a very reasonable compromise for some happiness with her present condition. You must know what compromise can make you smile. What do you do?